All Lessons Old & New Start With You June 16, 2011

As single mothers there are so many challenges we face. So many obscales to either defeat or romove. And all the while remaining intact, functioning, seemingly uneffected and always pleasantly ready for the next day. If we’ve done our job correctly if our beautiful children are none the wiser of these challenges.

It is so crucially important that children stay just that…children. That begins with us. Our choices in men, their fathers, was just that…our choices. We now have to put on our big girl panties and brave the new days of life without that individual (some deadbeats) and make the best of a situation we, at minimum, co-signed.  I say this to say, that in most cases the only true victim (100%) is the children. And that is where the focus should always stay. Now I am not saying that we as woman don’t get a really bad deal. Believe me I did. But I chose my pathetic ex-husband and I have to now live with that bad choice. Like every other bad choice we make in life, but my children didn’t choose their father. I may have been victimized (even just emotionally) in some ways but I won’t play the victim. I will own my mistakes, my choices (good and bad). I will review those choices and learn from them, especially the bad ones, with the intention to make better ones in the future.

Who we are, what we become, who our children see, what they see in us, determines (or at minimum effects) who they become. I sometimes don’t think mothers understand just how powerful a role we play in our children lives. We are literally molding innocent little humans. They are so frail and fragile. I use the analogy of creating (molding) pottery; when children are young its like when you first start molding pottery you can form the pottery any way you choose, but once its set (matured) you can’t bend or mold it…once a child is older you can’t undo or redo what we should have taught or un-teach things we shouldn’t have taught. So its crucial to be alert to the type of messages we are sending our little ones now, even the unconscious messages and lessons. Sometimes those are the loudest.

Just keep in mind all lessons old and new start with you.